Game Review - 5 Things about Resident Evil 5

I have yet to write a review of a game that I haven't finished all the way, but I'm starting to think I've played enough to give Resident Evil 5 a fair shake. I'm just going to do a bullet point review because I think a long form would be too rambly.


First. You are Chris Redfield. They drop you off in this sea of infected African villagers, only they don't really tell you what you need to do. And some of the Africans are Asian. The objective is something like 'survive for 5 minutes' but I kept trying to kill everything on the screen, which I found out (slowly) was impossible with the weapons you are given. After an hour I go back to the title screen and lower the difficulty to "Amateur". Looking back, I can't believe this didn't help me more than it did.


Second, they give you a partner in the game, which completely removes the feeling of isolation. I guess this is good if you have a second player to play the game with. I don't so she's kinda... worthless. Her name is Sheva, no seriously. Her alternate costume is a culturally sensitive leopard loin cloth. Also, when a door is too heavy for just your main character to open, you can pres the B button, and he will stare at Sheva's chest. I don't know what this does, but after a while she helps you open the door.

Third, the game is way too long. And there's not enough ammo. Resident Evil games used to be about ammo scarcity and bad camera angles that made the controls confusing, and therefore, suspenseful. Now it plays a lot like a Gears of War game, the camera is always behind your back, and there's even stuff to duck behind and shoot from. In fact, now that I think of it, the Zombies shoot BACK at you. Since when could a Zombie hold a gun. Now wait up. What does it say about a Zombie if he still has the intelligence to hold a gun straight, fire it at you, and even reload when it runs out of ammo. Pretty soon these Zombies are going to demand the right to vote, cite the Geneva convention, and cop attitudes with pedestrians while driving a car, and drivers while a pedestrian. Where was I?

Fourth. Oh yeah, this game is too long. And there's not enough ammo. Or pockets. I've basically been using my A.I. character as storage space to Chris "Nine Pockets" Redfield. She carries all my grenades, plus a few weapons in case I run low on ammo. I gave her this stun baton back in Act 3, and she hasn't used a bit of ammo since. She gets beat up every once in a while, but I control the herbs. And why can't I pickup ammo for a gun I'm holding, why does "Nine Pockets" Redfield have to have an empty pocket to hold ammo, or combine an herb? I can do those things without pockets!


Fifth. Really game? You're going to keep on going? I fought this thing in Act 5 where I had to use a flamethrower, for about 5 minutes, just pointed at the dumb tentacle Japanese-boss thing. I thought I was doing it wrong and I was about to give up. Then the dumb tentacle thing died. And that still wasn't the final boss. At this point the only fear this game inspires is what else it will make me do to get those remaining achievement points. When is Dead Space 2 coming out?